Feminism? Or Pseudo-Feminism?

Very recently, there has been a controversy involving the famous show Roadies which is being aired on MTV. I am sure you already know about it, but in case you don’t, let me tell you what happened. A contestant was asked if he has ever hit a girl, to which he replied yes. He had slapped his girlfriend when he found out that she had been cheating on him with 5 other men. This reply made the judges outraged. Neha Dhupia tried to prove this act of the contestant wrong, which is fine; hitting anybody is wrong. But the arguments that she gave were not well accepted by the viewers and society. Neha said that ‘if she was cheating with 5 other men, it’s her choice; nobody gives you the right to hit a girl; may be the problem is in you, she must not be happy with you’. Nikhil Chinapa also asserted himself asking the contestant who is he to expect loyalty from his girlfriend, who is he to expect anything from any one.

These comments of the judges then outraged the society. This whole episode sparked a dirty, really dirty discussion on feminism and pseudo-feminism.

Few years ago, Deepika Padukone had released a video named ‘My Choice’, and that video too became the topic of debate. In the video, there were lines like ‘to have sex before marriage, to have sex outside the marriage, my choice’ which ignited the debate.

Feminism has been a comparatively newer concept in our society, and more than a concept, it has now become a trend, an issue, and what not. There are always hot debates going on feminism, pseudo-feminism, preserving our culture, etc.

But actually, several of us do not even know what the feminism exactly means. Because it has no clear boundaries. And thus, while advocating feminism, we don’t realize when we cross the boundaries of feminism and enter the zone of pseudo-feminism. And these are those confused feminists who grab the ladies seat in the metro and do not leave it even for a 70 year old elderly.

Feminism does not mean hating men, feminism does not mean disrespecting men. Feminism means not accepting disrespect from men. Feminism does not mean justifying the wrong acts of other women, feminism means not justifying the wrong acts of men also in the name of culture (which actually the anti-feminism section of our society does). Feminism does not mean proving that woman is better than man, or she can do everything a man can do. It is simply proving that she is capable of doing whatever she wants. There is no comparison. There is no need of any comparison. There are few differences among both the genders that are inherent and natural. But using these differences to prove anyone superior or inferior is not right.

We think that feminism is exact opposite of patriarchy. No, its not. Patriarchy means male dominated, while feminism means equality. Feminism does not mean female dominated. And if female dominance is what we are aiming for, then we are moving to another destructive extreme. We don’t have to create dominance of any gender. We should aim for equality, irrespective of the gender. A true feminist (and not pseudo-feminist) will never talk about genders. Her/his thoughts will be gender neutral. For example, Neha Dhupia said you have no f***ing right to hit a girl… the statement should have been ‘you have no right to hit anyone’.

Talking about the video ‘My choice’, having sex before marriage cannot be just ‘a choice’, it cannot be this casual. It is not a choice, it is a decision which might come with its own consequences. Having sex outside the marriage cannot be ‘just my choice’, because it affects the other person (husband) also. I cannot decide something all by myself and simply say ‘my choice’ if someone else is involved too.

Feminism is not wearing a short skirt or being high on alcohol. Feminism is equality and confidence. Length of the skirt or alcohol content of my drink is irrelevant. It is neither in favor of feminism nor against it. It is insignificant. (But yes, wearing short skirt or drinking alcohol can be ‘my choice’, because it involves only me.)

We feel that a lady who is managing her house full time is not a feminist and the one who is doing a 9-5 job is a feminist. But that’s not true. Probably the former one is a home maker by choice and a bigger feminist, probably she enjoys more equality and respect at her home than the latter one. May be the one going outside for work is facing domestic violence at home, we never know. Feminism is not defined by what a woman does, what a woman wears, where a woman goes. It is beyond these petty aspects.

There is always a debate on rapes, as ‘who is responsible’, and this is often linked to feminism. But it is not. It is matter of humanity. It is matter of basic human rights. Crime against women is not against feminism, it is against humanity. When will we stop relating everything to feminism.

Coming back to the Roadies controversy, (more than) enough has already been said on social media. I would just say that no one has the right to hit anybody; one can move out if he/she is not happy in the relationship, but hitting should not be an option. But the judges took this to next level which cannot be justified. Harassing/disrespecting/torturing a man because he hit a woman, and smiling and encouraging a woman who confesses that she has hit her boyfriends is not a gender neutral approach. And if it is not gender neutral, it is not feminism; it is pseudo-feminism.

Feminism means equality, and freedom of choice (within the limits of humanity and ethics). Feminism means not having to carry all the load of ‘preserving our culture’ on our shoulders alone. Feminism means seeking equal opportunities and equal privileges as the other gender.

These are my thoughts. However, as I said that most of us do not even know what the feminism actually means, I too might not know. Your thoughts are invited.

If you liked this article, please follow the Facebook page to stay connected and be notified of more such articles in future.

Please connect on Instagram for daily updates and quick tips.

Also read:

My daughter is a daughter, not a son

Parents: Whose responsibility? Son’s or daughter-in-law’s?

Ek ladka to hona hi chahiye. Why?